not even moist?dcarter wrote:What up, dudes and dudettes. No rain or cold down under.
Space Junk City
-
- Posts: 2567
- Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 2:31 am
-
- Posts: 6677
- Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 7:36 pm
- Location: The corner of Awesome and What The Hell?!?!
TIME TRAVELLER FROM THE FUTURE WARNS OF TERMINATOR SEQUELS
A haunted looking man arrived from the future last night to warn mankind of Terminator sequels so incredibly bad they will make you cry inside.
The gaunt, haggard stranger, known only as 'X', stood on a box in Trafalgar Square and announced he had come from the year 2057, where Terminator 328b: Big Robot Wank Thing has just gone on general release.
He said: "If you thought Terminator Salvation was a steaming pile of cinematic mule dung, this latest one is like being raped through your eyes by an army of insane monkeys.
"Terminator 328b is directed by McB, a genetic hybrid created from a mixture of McG's frozen semen and beaver DNA.
"It's about how John Connor's father's son's grandson's uncle's niece's nephew goes back to the future to shag his own nan, thus preventing the first calculator from being made. Or something.
"The main baddie is a big robot steam train with wings and a tail that flies around shitting nuclear bombs. It is played by Eddie Murphy."
X added: "And then there's a chase scene, but it's on tricycles, it's two days long and you're not allowed to go for a piss."
Before collapsing from exhaustion, X warned that in the future Terminator films are beamed directly into your cerebral cortex, often as part of a triple bill including Batman's Big Momma's House 18 and Indiana Jones and the Inner Tube of Hercules.
A haunted looking man arrived from the future last night to warn mankind of Terminator sequels so incredibly bad they will make you cry inside.
The gaunt, haggard stranger, known only as 'X', stood on a box in Trafalgar Square and announced he had come from the year 2057, where Terminator 328b: Big Robot Wank Thing has just gone on general release.
He said: "If you thought Terminator Salvation was a steaming pile of cinematic mule dung, this latest one is like being raped through your eyes by an army of insane monkeys.
"Terminator 328b is directed by McB, a genetic hybrid created from a mixture of McG's frozen semen and beaver DNA.
"It's about how John Connor's father's son's grandson's uncle's niece's nephew goes back to the future to shag his own nan, thus preventing the first calculator from being made. Or something.
"The main baddie is a big robot steam train with wings and a tail that flies around shitting nuclear bombs. It is played by Eddie Murphy."
X added: "And then there's a chase scene, but it's on tricycles, it's two days long and you're not allowed to go for a piss."
Before collapsing from exhaustion, X warned that in the future Terminator films are beamed directly into your cerebral cortex, often as part of a triple bill including Batman's Big Momma's House 18 and Indiana Jones and the Inner Tube of Hercules.
You gotta love The Onion!
Bee Stuck Between Screen Door, Front Door Going Fucking Nuts
HUNTSVILE, AL—Users of the front door at 1418 Sycamore Avenue report the appearance of a common bumblebee ricocheting back and forth between the front and screen doors in a manner described as "pissed." According to witnesses, no one has been able to ascertain how the bee became trapped between the two portals, but it is totally losing it and will absolutely sting someone if it gets out, most likely in the eye. "Look at the size of that thing," homeowner Tony Paris said. "He's just going nuts. Just fly out of there, bee, come on." At press time, the bee was resting for a moment before resuming flipping the fuck out.
HUNTSVILE, AL—Users of the front door at 1418 Sycamore Avenue report the appearance of a common bumblebee ricocheting back and forth between the front and screen doors in a manner described as "pissed." According to witnesses, no one has been able to ascertain how the bee became trapped between the two portals, but it is totally losing it and will absolutely sting someone if it gets out, most likely in the eye. "Look at the size of that thing," homeowner Tony Paris said. "He's just going nuts. Just fly out of there, bee, come on." At press time, the bee was resting for a moment before resuming flipping the fuck out.
-
- Posts: 3054
- Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2006 9:23 am
- Location: fallen down a rabbit hole
down the canopied dirt road
where the pecan orchard once stood
rows of cotton to be picked
to my roots and my blood
stood at the site
where i drank from the mason jar
a child still learning
now memories from afar
only remember the nicknames
not the ones god given
stood where my sister was baptized
in that cold muddy river
where the pecan orchard once stood
rows of cotton to be picked
to my roots and my blood
stood at the site
where i drank from the mason jar
a child still learning
now memories from afar
only remember the nicknames
not the ones god given
stood where my sister was baptized
in that cold muddy river
-
- Posts: 3054
- Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2006 9:23 am
- Location: fallen down a rabbit hole
-
- Posts: 3054
- Joined: Sat Dec 16, 2006 9:23 am
- Location: fallen down a rabbit hole
if i fell from grace
could you save me from my fate
if i allowed you inside
would you fail me in my time of need
winds of change
always shifting direction
the enigma current
picking up speed
a court jester
in the king's court of indecision
beleguered masses
heeding the piper's tune
chorus:
we dance on hallowed ground
the sand shifting neath our feet
the moment keeps on moving
we were never meant to hold on
could you save me from my fate
if i allowed you inside
would you fail me in my time of need
winds of change
always shifting direction
the enigma current
picking up speed
a court jester
in the king's court of indecision
beleguered masses
heeding the piper's tune
chorus:
we dance on hallowed ground
the sand shifting neath our feet
the moment keeps on moving
we were never meant to hold on